After the amazing time I had with Clarke, I gave into my heart instead of my gut and started to map out what could be the start of a good relationship. This meaning that I dreamed of a normal dating situation where I would be like the average couple people see and sometimes despise. I too would get the opportunity to walk down the street holding my boyfriends hand instead of walking a meter apart (like I had in my last 2 year relationship). I too would have someone kiss my forehead, hold my waist tightly and tell me that they missed me. I too would have someone pay the bill first instead of waiting for me to put my hand in my bag. I too would have someone tell me I looked great, I was fun and that they were happy we were together. I too would have someone who wanted to introduce me to their friends and complain that they had not yet met mine. All these basic things I saw everyone else had, I finally thought I to was going to get it. That was short lived. To say that "people" not just men but women too, have step up their "playing" strategies, would be a understatement!
I made a poor judgement and surprisingly I felt it just 2 days after the event. I'm not ready to revel the "bitch slap" I received (psychologically only) from Clarke but maybe it was Karma I was getting for being unorganized and forgetful about double booking. Maybe the karma was from judging these two men before fully understanding their characters. Either way "I got mine". Even though he was the first to send me a ubandance of romantic texts, I should have seen what was coming. TO BE CONTINUED
 |
| The embarrassingly last text message from Clarke |
Anyway, we fast forward to the present time. Surprisingly I get a message from Men's Health asking how I have been. I respond that life has been busy of sorts but okay. We actually continue to communicate via messages and telephone calls for two weeks until he eventually and surprisingly suggests that he would like us to meet up and have coffee this time, instead of sitting silently in dark room and communicating by facial sign language and by screen light! In theory maybe I should have said "no, I am not sure I like you or your character" but I was fed up of judging the wrong people. I was fed up of picking the "Nice Guy" and still getting screwed over or even worse. I took a chance. Mr Men's health wasn't a bad guy, yes he swore a lot more than I preferred, yes he smoked which isn't a great past time of mine ( though I couldn't tell until he mentioned it) and especially yes, he was a little too handsy on our first encounter. I wasn't compromising my choices because of loneliness but had I been fair? had I been clear about what I wanted or was looking for, or did I sit there blindly letting this guy assume all was well. I told him beforehand what I was looking for and why I that night I had to meet a "friend" and that was why I was distracted that evening (which was mostly true). He didn't judge. He did express his disappointment about that nights events but he was open enough to say that he wanted us to try just one opportunity to talk.
I agreed to the opportunity, after all I had nothing to lose anymore. We met after work near my home area but not my home (just in case I needed a quick exit). He had driven 1 hour from his home town to mine straight after work. His work finished late as he owns his own business. He found a near by car park where I met him outside. It was dark but the street lights were on high beam. I was surprised that he was smiling when he saw me we laughed instantly about our crazy schedules that created this late meeting before quickly observing each other trying to recall our past encounter. Without wishing to sound shallow, as we walk to find a cafe, I take little glances towards him. As I mentioned before he isn't as tall as I assumed from his pictures, taller than me still, but again he is not considered unattractive in the least. To be honest he has the appearance of a guy that I would avoid because they are too appealing. He has bright eyes, sharpe straight nose, chiseled facial structure and excellently full and perfectly modeled hair. After walking for 20 minutes (believe it or not) we decided to just head to the local convenient store and by some coffee and chill (as there were only big food places and bars opened). Not a exciting and glamorous location but I actually liked the relaxed atmosphere and the opportunity to be myself. He drank sparkling water and I had a cold cafe mocha (which he kindly opened). We sat there, the only people on the street, sitting at a table outside the store, talking about our interests and current life situations. I found out many things which I obviously did not discover on our first meeting. He had a respectable business which had him working 6 days out of five and his day off wasn't even on a weekend. He drove the same car for the last ten years because "she" was reliable. He was born in Canada and is actually Canadian. He used to be a Fitness Trainer (no surprises on that one). Yeap, even though I made a quick review on his appearance, sitting now and talking I managed to get a better opportunity to review. He was built, very built. He had worn layers which suited his frame but hid his outline. His legs were sturdy and his arms were actually like his picture, massive! Anyway, he talked and I listened and when I talked he listened. His voice is deep but soft and he spoke fast but his laugh was high pitched and funny, like a child that had been ticked close to the point of breathlessness.
The problem now was that time was getting late and we were now surrounded by lots of late comers who also had been looking for a cafe or somewhere o hang out. I had been to work and the gym, home to change and then met him so no opportunity to eat. He made a suggestion that we get food, but I couldn't help but feel concerned, though not directly at him but the suggestion. Only because my experience of eating dinner so late in the evening (midnight) often gave the guy the impression that sexual payment would be offered in exchange. Though I didn't say this to him, I did turn down his offer to eat and suggested that we both go to our homes to relax. He walked me close by to my apartment building and openly and honestly asked if we could meet again and I agreed. I finally wanted to hear and see this guys funny laugh, sometimes foul mouthed, business man again. He made me feel relaxed and unpressured. During our time communicating together I noticed how positive he was about most things. Even me as a big complainer ( a big turn off for guys I know), instead of just offering condolences, he tried to make me laugh. He showed me other ways in which I might review my problems and concerns and if there wasn't a way, he tried to take my mind away from the negativity. All this and he kept telling me how he admired me being so positive. It was lovely to hear that from someone who wanted me to be happy.We aimed to meet on Saturday that week but I already had plans so we decided to choose at suitable time on the phone later on. We hugged goodbye and he drove home. We messaged each other that evening, openly confirming that we hoped we could get to know each other better with the prospect of dating/making a serious relationship.
As Saturday couldn't happen we decided on Friday but as fate would have it, his co-worker called in sick and he was now short staffed. I will be honest and say that I thought this was a play off. He messaged me at 6.30pm and we were going to meet around 9.30pm. I took to my personal diary to bitch about the fact that once again someone I possibly thought of as a good guy was playing me for a fool. I chilled out 1 hour later when I thought to myself, that if he didn't call or text after his work, I would reserve my interest. He called and yes, I felt guilty. He had worked all day and just finished and was calling express his disappointment of our cancelled meeting. I too felt the same. Our last conversation ended with him saying he wanted to meet up on Sunday night after work and I will admit that I was excited about it, but once again, fate screwed me over. He was too tired I assumed as I hadn't heard from him by 10pm, understandably he has to drive to the other side of town, so I had to settle for a emoticon and a message about being tired. I know don't know what to think or do. We each live on the other sides of town and he works 6 days a week with 1 week day off. He tells me he wants a serious relationship and that he understands the trails we may face having one in such a homogeneous country. But I know one thing, I know me. I know that I am the type of lady that will travel to make things work, move country if I had too. I have no problem in meeting someone halfway who is prepared to see it work. As I sit here typing, I have a negative feeling that he is trying to distance himself from me and that once again I'm going to be fobbed off with very little or no excuse or reason. Something tells me that maybe he thinks that the distance is too much. Something wants to feed into my consciousness and destroy any hope I may want to have about meeting this guy and trying to make a connection. Just as I eyes start to sting from the realization that I could be right, my phone rings. I look down to see his face (I often add pictures to Contracts as it's easier to ignore calls hahah) and there he is. Big arms folded across his chest, smiling slightly and looking proud. I let it ring a little to try and compose myself and when I say hello, it is instantly followed by a big hearty laugh. I am not sure if I am laughing because I am happy, relived, confused or just nerved by the shear coincidence. But I do know that as I am laughing, so is he too "It makes me happy to hear you laughing even if I don't understand why". I smile stupidly, happy that he picked this moment to calm my doubts a little. So it's going to be a new week and new plans, of which we state and agree that we will plan to meet each other half way in order to spend time together. I suggest Saturday as I have the weekend free but he tells me anytime this week, including before Saturday because why wait until the weekend to see each other?. It's simple things like that make me happy to see where this could possibly go...TO BE CONTINUED
No comments:
Post a Comment